The Last Link

It was a quiet night. The Movement Control Order was in place. No one was allowed to go out after 9pm. She was scrolling through TikTok, like always. There was not much that she could do during this pandemic. She stumbled a TikTok she could relate to and her fingers quickly tapped on the share button, wanting to share with him. 

She stopped. Remembering that she had blocked him. It had been a month since. But the force of habit was still there. It was her decision to stop talking to him. It was her decision to block him from Instagram. But not a day went by without her mind wandering off to him. Without her wanting to unblock, just to say hi again. 

"I hope you're doing well," she thought to herself. She continued on scrolling. TikTok, very addicting. People can spend hours on it and not notice the time going by, not notice the world going by. 

The silence of the night and her peace of doing nothing was interrupted by the sound of her mother's voice, screaming her name.

"What?!" She shouted back from her room. Mom came in with her phone on her hand. 

"Someone committed suicide in Melaka. His name was J too. Is it him?" Mom said, remembering that her daughter had a friend called J. A, panicked, hurriedly got up from her bed and checked her Twitter account. If there was any news on suicide, that would be the place to look. 

Yes, there was a suicide. Yes, the name was J too. But there was no picture to say that it was him. Her heart started beating faster. She quickly switched on over to Instagram, her email, her WhatsApp, all of her accounts that were used to talk to him. Unblocking him everywhere. 

And on her Instagram she found. His message. He had send her a link, yesterday. With fingers trembling, she clicked on the link. It lead her to a video of him. Heart beating faster. She's almost hyperventilating. 

"Oh god no, please don't," she cried in her heart. 

She took a deep breath. Tried to steady her shaking hands. Tried to convince herself that it wasn't him. That this video is a prank. Like how he used to tease her all the time. She took another deep breath. It's going to be okay. And clicked on play. 

Just a few seconds in, just seeing his smile, just hearing his voice. She started crying. She had missed him so much. Why did she decided to block him off again? Over her insecurities and jealousy? Dumbass. Why was that so important? More important than the time with him? 

And then it got to the main part. He started saying sorry. To everyone he knows, but not to her. He started saying goodbye. To everyone he knows, but not to her. No. He must be kidding. He's teasing me again. 

She went back to Twitter, Google even. Searching for every bit of news about the suicide. Wanting to confirm that it's him, even though she had just watched his suicide note. She couldn't believe it. 

No. God no. Please.

Why the fuck. 

And then she finally found it. The complete news. It. Was. Him. 

She broke down. A million thoughts going through her head. But one was the loudest. 

The love of her life, gone. 

Original idea: J.

I'M BACK

 Hai, assalamualaikum! 大家好！ 

我是 Aiza. And 欢迎来到 my blog. 

So... I have decided to go back to blogging. 

Scrolling thru my drafts, I realized it has been years since the last time I blogged. My last post on this blog was back in 2012. I was still in high school. And then I tried starting a new blog. Which was a fail. 

Everything after my last post on this blog, they were just random posts. Luahan hati bila my relationship got a little hard. I no longer update my blog on the regular as I did back when I started. 

现在, I've even graduated from the university. A whole lifetime had passed & now I'm back. I'm gonna start blogging on the daily basis again. Just like I used to do. 

Well, back then, I could only blog whenever I have the laptop with me. Dulu laptop kena share with the whole family. Every chance I get, I would write an update. Or make up short stories.

Sometimes, I even asked dedi for the laptop just so I can blog. Hahahah! 

现在, we each have our own laptops. Bukan laptop je, segala macam mak nenek gajet pun ada. So what's my excuse to not blog on a daily basis, right? Ada... Alasan nye malas je. Hahahaha! 

Anyway, I was thinking about why I stopped blogging. Dulu semangat betul tulis blog. Every tiny little detail of I go thru in my daily life, semua aku update. Bangun kul berapa, makan apa, rehat watpe, homework apa, gocoh ngan siapa. EVERY. TINY. LITTLE. THING. 

Aku update macam ada orang kesah. Hahahahah! Tapi makin lama makin kurang update, makin malas post. And eventually, stop terus. 

When I said the last time I blogged was in 2012, I meant properly. Properly blogging. Typing out every details of my daily life. I tried again a few times before. But each new blog was abandoned. So, why did I stop? And why was it so hard to come back to blogging? 

I pondered upon these questions for a few days... 

And here's the reason I've figured out! 

Why I stopped?

1. I started caring too much about followers & readers. Aku rasa cam takde orang nak baca blog aku. Dengan ada nye blog yang properly planned & written out, siap ada theme of topics bagai, aku jadi insecure & rasa blog aku tak menarik. No one would be interested. 

2. Aku rasa blog is no longer relevant. When I first started, blogging was IT. Almost everyone had a blog. Sekarang... Banyak socmed ada boleh merempan. Tak perlu baca blog dah. 

3. I got lazy of course. With the increase in workload & stresses, aku jadi malas nak menaip, nak fikir what to blog about. Ada masa free je, tidur. Also, bila ada boyfriend, I don't stay in my head. 

4. My blog was a cringe-fest. Aku baca balik post2 lama, aku cringe sendiri, segan sendiri. Like... Apa benda ko ni pun nak citerrr? Hahahaha! Maklumlah, dulu semua benda story kat blog. Crush ngan siapa, dating ngan siapa, ponteng sekolah ke tak, gaduh ngan siapa... Dengan tulisan rempit nye. Aduhhh. 

5. And the reason why I failed to start again... I was trying too hard to follow in everyone else's footsteps. Aku tengok orang blog pasal fashion, make up, blog2 yang ada spesifik theme camtu, aku nak wat jugak. But those kind of things have never been my passion. 

Reflecting upon these reasons... I've discovered my true passion. I'm going back to my roots. Blogging sebab writing is my form of expression. I get my thoughts out better thru writing. Kadang-kadang bila bercakap, apa yang dalam kepala otak aku tak habis keluar, tak sampai. Nak melukis, tak reti. 

So writing it is. 

Lagipun sekarang single, aku spend banyak masa in my head. Berangan, reflecting upon my day, planning my future. Takde geng nak ajak gaduh bila bosan. Hahahah! Ada bofen je terus lupa diri. Sebok fikir hal bofen, tak fikir diri sendiri dah. 

What I plan to do with this blog? 

Daily updates of course! Aku watpe, makan apa, bangun kul berapa. Just the way I did it 13 years ago. Now that I'm an adult, kita upgrade sikit lah. Takkan nak sama cam budak 12 tahun nye blog kan? Instead of bodo bodo je update aktiviti harian, I will also include some lessons or reflections of the day. Because I found out that I actually have a talent in finding inspiration in even the tiniest little things. 

Kinda like a journal. But a less private one. Hahahah! 

And also, random sharing of tips & tricks every now & then. I haven't truly figure things out yet. So bear with me please! 

Well, this is a lot longer than I had planned. Ingat nak wat intro pendek je. But once I started typing, naik sheikh lak. Kenapa la dulu aku stop kan? Padahal seronok bila dapat menulis ni. Huhuhu. 

Anyway, I hope that you'll find inspirations & motivations thru the things I share here. And I hope I can make your life a little better thru my writings. 

晚安, until tomorrow, 
AF. 
Mini home office.
Jan 21, 00:21. 

------------------------------

P/S: I lied. The last time I blogged properly was in 2013. On a different blog. Still a cringe-fest. 

#1

 dear Allah, 

entah cubaan kali ke berapa dah ni. ni pun 2 ayat pertama ni aku dok type delete type delete. aih. i wanted to go back to how i used to write on my blog. begitu bebas menulis, meluahkan segala yang terbuku di hati. tapi entah kenapa awkward nye rasa. dulu2 zaman berhingus, laju je aku tulis apa yang berlaku dalam hidup aku, segala cerita celah kangkang, segala perasaan. now.... haih. 

but nevermind, i'll try anyway. and i hope, this letter will get to You. sesungguhnya Engkau Maha Melihat kan Ya Allah? aku rasa this is the best way for me, untuk aku meluahkan segala rasa hati. for me to talk to You. i wish aku boleh jadi macam those yang senang je talk to You. aku tak pandai. so writing it is. hopefully it counts. 

ya Allah, thank You. terima kasih kerana masih membenarkan aku untuk hidup another day. untuk aku perbaiki diri aku. everyday that im alive, i am thankful. terlalu banyak dosa yang aku buat, terlalu banyak yang aku kena betulkan. i wont be able to tanpa izinMu ya Allah. so thank You. 

walaupun banyak kali aku gagal. banyak kali aku kembali pada diri aku yang lama. kecundang dengan hasutan, dengan kemalasan diri sendiri. tapi Engkau tetap bagi aku peluang lagi ya Allah. sungguh aku ni hamba Mu yang sangat hina ya Allah. tak layak untuk terima segala peluang & hidayah yang Kau dah bagi. but You did anyway. thank You so so much. alhamdulillah. even in writing, i cannot express how grateful i am. T.T 

ya Allah, today is the 2nd day that im able to wake up for Subuh & completed my Subuh routine. 
- solat sunat fajar
- solat subuh
- recite ar-rahman
- sedekah subuh

i forgot about the sedekah yesterday. but harini aku ganti. alhamdullilah. hopefully i'll make it to the 3rd day, 5th day and so on and so forth. help me to make it to the 3rd day. help me make it a daily routine that i never stop doing for the rest of my life. 

i did solat dhuha 4 rakaat yesterday and i managed to recite al-waqiah after. but my dua was interrupted by mummy. hopefully i get to fully perform my dhuha routine today. it's only 8:53am now the moment im typing this out. so i guess i'll update you later today if i actually manage to perform all of my other ibadah routine? 

semoga dengan usaha untuk tingkatkan ibadah ni, Engkau ampunkan segala dosa2 yang menjadi penghalang untuk doa aku dimakbulkan. i know ya Allah, aku tak layak. terlalu banyak dosa yang aku buat. i even have some big ones. yang aku taknak sebut pun. rasa jijik sangat, hina sangat diri aku ni ya Allah. ampunkan aku ya Allah. takde yang boleh ampunkan aku selain Engkau yang Maha Pengampun. 

i guess i'll pause this letter right here. i'll update you again later in the day. 

love, 
af. 

NEW BLOG

Created a new blog yet again.

Head on over to aizafrsh.blogspot.my to see what I had to say!

Alkisah Qalisha dan Rakan-Rakan

Howdy, creatures! Dah lama kan tak ada short stories? Well... Ni ada satu yang aku dah lama simpan. Enjoy!

Keluarga Encik Malik sedang menikmati hidangan makan malam yang enak dimasak oleh Kak Yati, pembantu rumah dari Indonesia.

Encik Malik : Isha, papa have something to tell you.

Qalisha : What?

Encik Malik : Papa ada sorang kawan ni. Kitorang memang rapat sangat. Papa kenal dia dari papa sekolah rendah lagi. Masa kami sekolah menengah, kami pernah buat janji yang satu hari nanti bila kami dah ada anak, kami nak satukan anak kami.

Qalisha : Then? Apa kena mengena dengan Isha?

Encik Malik : Papa ingat janji tu dah dilupakan. Almaklumlah, zaman gila-gila dulu. Lagipun kawan papa tu dah lama tak balik Malaysia. Tapi.... Hari tu papa jumpa dia dan dia masih ingat lagi janji tu. Kebetulan pula dia anak lelaki sebaya dengan Isha.

Qalisha : Pa... Papa cakap apa ni? Jangan cakap papa nak Isha kahwin dengan mamat tu? Isha baru 16 tahun, pa.

Encik Malik : Ish, taklah....

Qalisha : Huh, nasib baik. Ingat papa buang tebiat tadi nak suruh Isha kahwin sekarang.

Encik Malik : Korang bertunang je dulu. Nanti cukup 18 baru kahwin. Esok keluarga diorang datang masuk meminang.

Qalisha : WHAT?! Papa jangan berguraulah benda ni. Apa ni pa? Gurau pun agak-agaklah.

Encik Malik : I'm serious, Isha.

Qalisha : Pa.... Isha dah ada boyfriend kan? You know that. How could you do this to me?

Encik Malik : Budak rempit tu? Tak payahlah Isha. Papa tak nak Isha berkawan dengan dia lagi. Bukannya baik pun budak tu.

Qalisha : You don't know him, pa. Macamlah anak kawan papa tu baik sangat. I'm off to bed. Night. Assalamualaikum pa, mama.

Qalisha bangun meninggalkan meja makan. Derap kakinya laju menuju ke bilik tidurnya. Dia mahu segera berseorangan. Dia masih belum dapat menerima berita yang baru diketahuinya. Dia? Tunang orang pada umur 16 tahun? Adakah dia yang gila atau papa yang gila?

Siapalah gerangan tunangnya itu agakanya? Berapakah umur dia? Kacakkah orangnya?  Baikkah dia? Bagaimana dia hendak menerangkan duduk perkara kepada Arif? Qalisha akhirnya tertidur dengan pelbagai persoalan yang tiada jawapan bermain di mindanya. Kepalanya pening. Hatinya kuat memberontak.

Tidur Qalisha terganggu di tengah malam apabila telefon bimbitnya berbunyi. Dia membuka sedikit matanya dan melihat nama Arif tertera pada skrin telefon. Segera dia menjawab panggilan tersebut walaupun rasa mengantuk menebal dan matanya langsung tidak mahu celik. 

Arif : Awak, saya mintak maaf sangat-sangat dekat awak. 

Qalisha : Raya lambat lagilah sayang. Kenapa dengan awak ni? 

Arif : Saya... Saya sayangkan ex-girlfriend saya lagi. Saya mintak maaf sangat-sangat eh awak? Kita masih lagi boleh jadi kawan. 

Qalisha : Tepat pada masanya. Tak apalah awak. Saya pun memang kena break dengan awak. Papa saya suruh. Terima kasih. Bye. 

Qalisha segera menamatkan panggilan tersebut dan mematikan telefon bimbitnya. Dia kembali nyenyak tidak lama kemudian.

****

Pagi itu Qalisha ke sekolah dengan muka serba monyok. Dia yang selalunya bermulut becok  tiba-tiba senyap sunyi pada hari itu. Rakannya, Sarra perasan akan perubahan Qalisha. 

Sarra : Aik, Sha? Senyap je kau pagi ni. Kenapa? Something's wrong?

Qalisha : Tunggu Awiem sekali nanti aku cerita. Banyak benda yang tak kena ni. Haih. 

Sarra : You okay? Pasal Arif ke? 

Qalisha : Pasal Arif satu. Then about something... That is too much for me to absorb. 

Sarra : Wah, macam masalah besar. Apa dia? Ceritalah. 

Qalisha : Tunggu Awiem. Karang sentap pulak mamat tu. Memang masalah besar pun. Tak besar tak adanya aku monyok macam ni. 

Tidak lama kemudian, seorang lagi rakan Qalisha, Awiem datang dan duduk bersama mereka. 

Awiem : What's up? Kau apahal monyok semacam?  

Qalisha : Nak cerita ni... Arif dah tinggalkan aku. He still loves his ex. 

Sarra : Apalah yang ada dekat perempuan tu yang dia sayang sangat? She's a bitch. Bodoh jugak si Arif ni. 

Qalisha : Dah nak sayang, nak buat macam mana? Redha je lah. 

Awiem : Are you okay? 

Qalisha : I'm fine. Bukan pasal tu yang aku serabut kepala otak sangat ni. It's about me, being someone's fiancee. 

Sarra and Awiem : HAA?! 

Awiem : Kau biar betul Sha? 

Qalisha : Yeap. Bapak aku bantai tunangkan aku dengan anak kawan dia. 

Sarra : Bila? 

Qalisha : Last night.... 

Awiem : Siapa? 

Qalisha : Entah. Semalam lepas sarung cincin, aku terus naik bilik, tak keluar sampai pagi tadi. Aku tak tengok pun muka dia. Nama pun aku tak tahu. Malas nak ambil tahu. 

Sarra : So... Kau ni tunang orang yang tak dikenali lah? 

Qalisha : Apparently, yes. Dah tak boleh menggatal dengan orang lain. So sad... 

**** 

Sebulan telah berlalu. Kehidupan Qalisha masih lagi seperti biasa walaupun dia sudah bergelar tunang orang. Dan sehingga hari ini, dia masih tidak mengetahui identiti tunangnya itu. Hari itu, tingkatan 4 Tekno menerima seorang ahli baru. 

Puan GV : Kelas, hari ini ada budak baru masuk kelas kamu. Nama dia Danial. Danial, kau boleh duduk sebelah Awiem. 

Awiem : Cikgu, sebelah saya tempat Isha lah. 

Puan GV : Sebelah satu lagi lah. Kamu ni, saya tahulah kamu tu tak boleh berenggang dengan si Isha. 

Awiem : Hehe. Welcome to 4 Techno, Danial. Meh duduk meh. 

Puan GV : Awiem ni banyak mulut. Tahanlah sikit ye? 

Danial : Tak apa, cikgu. Saya tak kisah. 

Qalisha yang ke tandas sebentar tadi, kembali ke kelas. 

Awiem : Sha, kita ada budak baru. Nama dia Danial. Handsome kan dia? 

Qalisha : Oh, hi. Aku Qalisha. Panggil je Isha. 

Danial : Hi. 

Awiem : Handsome kan Danial ni Sha? 

Qalisha : Boleh lah... Aku tak dibenarkan pandang lelaki lain doh. 

Awiem : Oh, lupa. 

Danial : Kenapa? 

Qalisha : Biarlah rahsia. Baru masuk dah menyibuk. 

4 bulan berlalu. 4 bulan jugalah Danial menyertai kumpulan Qalisha, Awiem dan Sarra. Ke mana jua pasti bersama. Dalam diam, Danial mula menyukai Qalisha. Suatu hari ketika mereka berempat sedang bersantai di taman berdekatan rumah Qalisha....

Danial : Sha, I have something to tell you. 

Qalisha : Amenda? 

Danial : Kita pergi jauh sikit boleh? 

Qalisha : Malas. Cakap je kat sini. Nanti aku kena cerita balik dekat diorang pulak. 

Awiem : Haa... Kau nak cakap apa haa Danial? Siap nak ajak Sha pergi tempat lain pulak tu? 

Danial : Hm... I think I like you. 

Qalisha : Think? 

Awiem : Think? 

Sarra : Think? 

Danial : No, I really like you. 

Qalisha : I appreciate it, dude. But sorry, can't return it. 

Danial : Kenapa? 

Awiem : Isha ni tunang orang. Tapi dia tak kenal siapa tunang dia. 

Qalisha : Woi! Kau apahal? Nak mati? 

Danial : Betul ke Sha? Never mind then. 

Qalisha : Yeap. Leklah der. Banyak lagi bunga di taman. Ye dak? 

Tidak lama kemudian, Qalisha mengadakan parti hari jadinya yang ke-16. Dia diberitahu oleh ibu bapanya yang tunangnya akan menghadiri majlis itu. Setelah hampir 5 bulan bertunang, barulah Qalisha berpeluang melihat wajah tunangnya. 

Encik Malik : Isha, sayang, come here. Salam uncle dengan aunty. 

Qalisha segera bersalam dengan ibu bapa tunangnya. 

Dato' Sufian : Apa khabar, Isha? 

Qalisha : Alhamdulillah, sihat uncle. 

Datin Bella : Isha dah jumpa dengan anak aunty?

Qalisha : Err... Belum. Isha sebenarnya tak kenal siapa dia. Hehe.

Datin Bella : Eh? Tadi Danial cakap nak jumpa Isha. Bertuah punya budak tunang sendiri tak kenal. 

Qalisha : Apa aunty cakap nama dia tadi? Danial? Isha jumpa Danial kawan kelas Isha je. Danial anak aunty Isha tak jumpa. 

Danial menyampuk dari belakang Qalisha...

Danial : Well, actually both Danial are the same. 

Qalisha : What? Oh dear God! Kau rupanya tunang aku?! 

And they live happily ever after... 

You'll Never Know If You Never Try

Maria : Eh, Sha, Sha! It's him! He's sitting over there. OMG! Hensemnya dia.....

Qalesha : So, apa tunggu lagi, pergilah cepat.

Maria : Haa? Pergi mana?

Qalesha : Ish, pergi confess lah. Pergi cepat. Sementara kawan-kawan dia yang lain belum join sekaki.

Maria : Tak naklah. Aku segan. Dibuatnya dia reject aku, mana nak letak muka ni?

Qalesha : Habis tu? Sampai bila kau nak simpan je perasaan kau tu? Dah tiga tahun tau kau dok tenung dia dari jauh. I think it's time to let him know. Kang melepas, meroyan tak sudah. Sekurang-kurangnya dia tahu perasaan kau and kau akan rasa lega sikit bila dah confess. So, go. Kena reject ke apa ke itu belakang cerita. Yang penting, you let him know your feelings. Plus, dia dah nak pergi Ireland minggu depan. So this is your last chance.

Maria : I can't. Kau tengoklah dia tu. He's perfect. And I'm..... Selebet-rity. Impossible lah dia pandang orang macam aku ni. Aku takut.

Qalesha : Hoi, hoi. Tak ada orang yang perfect dekat dunia ni. You're pretty, just the way you are. Jangan risau. Aku ada. Just go and confess to him. BUT! Jangan expect apa-apa pun. Jangan expect dia terima kau and jangan fikir dia akan reject kau. Okay?

Maria : Huh! Okay. Wish me luck.

Qalesha : Go for it, girl!

***

Maria : Hai, Sufi. Sorang je?

Sufi : Hey. Yeah, sorang je. Come join me.

Maria : Thanks. Apasal sorang-sorang je hari ni? Where are the others?

Sufi : Haih. Biasalah. Semua dah berpasangan sekarang. Sibuklah ber-dating. Tertinggallah I sorang-sorang.

Maria : Eh? You tak ada girlfriend?

Sufi : *geleng*

Maria : So... Erm... I have something to tell you.

Sufi : Oh... Apa dia?

Maria : I... erm... *cakap laju-laju* I like you. Like, really really like you. It's been three years now. So.... *dah mula slow* That's it. Yeah, gotta go. Bye!

Sufi : Wait, wait. I appreciate the feelings you have for me. But I'm sorry I can't return it. I nak fokus pada study dulu. Sorry, okay Maria?

Maria : Erm. Yeah, okay. *smiles*

***

Qalesha : He said that?

Maria : Yeah...

Qalesha : Hmm... Sabarlah. Maknanya, ada lagilah harapan untuk kau. Sekarang ni, kau kenalah berdoa pada Allah supaya hati dia terbukak untuk terima kau. Okay? But at least, you know what he feels now. Kan? Cheer up! Tak mati pun tak dapat si Sufi tu.

Maria : Thanks, Sha.

Qalesha : So, kau nak balik rumah menangis sampai habis berkotak-kotak tisu ataupun nak ikut aku pergi makan Tutti Frutti?

Maria : Tapau kan Tutti Frutti untuk aku boleh? Tak ada mood nak keluar but... Tutti Frutti is just irresistible.

Qalesha : Haa okay okay.

PMR English Essay : Speech

"Ways Towards Becoming An Excellent Teenager"

A very good morning to the respected headmaster, Encik Ramlee bin Abdullah, teachers and my beloved friends. This peaceful and wonderful morning, we all gather in this hallowed hall and I will be talking about "Ways Towards Becoming An Excellent Teenager". 

Friends, 

Do you want to be an excellent teenager or just an average teenager? How many of you want to be an excellent teenager? I am sure all of you want to be an excellent teenager. So here is how to be one. 

Firstly, we must lead to a healthy life style. In order to do so, we must eat according to the balanced diet. Consume less oily food but eat more vegetable and fruit. Moreover, we must exercise at least twice a week. We also must not smoke the harmful and deadly cigarettes as they could cause many dangerous effect. Therefore, my dear friends, do not smoke a lot but eat healthily and exercise a lot. 

Boys and girls,

The next step to be an excellent teenager is by choosing our friends wisely. If we chose to be friends with a smart and kind teenager, then, we will too be kind and smart like them. On the contrary, if we choose to hang out with some useless teenagers, we will too end up useless like them. So girls and boys, choose your friends wisely! 

Aside from living a healthy life style and choosing our friends wisely, we must also respect the elders. Such as parents and teachers. Even the Form 5 students are counted as elders. It is very crucial for us to respect them, especially our parents since they have done a lot for us. Plus, you guys do not want to go to hell for disrespecting your elders. 

Teachers and friends, 

To become and excellent teenager, we must be a good listener. Listen well to our parents', teachers' or friends' advice. Our parents and teachers know better than us so we should listen to them. 

Last but not least, make reading your habit. It is not necessary for us to read educational books. We can read comic books, magazine, novels or whatever tickles our fancy. What more important is that you read because by reading we can learn a lot of things. 

Ladies and gentlemen, 

In conclusion from my speech, we must lead a healthy lifestyle, choose our friends wisely, respect the elders, be a good listener and read a lot to become an excellent and successful teenager. That is all from me, thank you. 

413 words

*I get 28 over 30 for this essay. :)