She stopped. Remembering that she had blocked him. It had been a month since. But the force of habit was still there. It was her decision to stop talking to him. It was her decision to block him from Instagram. But not a day went by without her mind wandering off to him. Without her wanting to unblock, just to say hi again.
"I hope you're doing well," she thought to herself. She continued on scrolling. TikTok, very addicting. People can spend hours on it and not notice the time going by, not notice the world going by.
The silence of the night and her peace of doing nothing was interrupted by the sound of her mother's voice, screaming her name.
"What?!" She shouted back from her room. Mom came in with her phone on her hand.
"Someone committed suicide in Melaka. His name was J too. Is it him?" Mom said, remembering that her daughter had a friend called J. A, panicked, hurriedly got up from her bed and checked her Twitter account. If there was any news on suicide, that would be the place to look.
Yes, there was a suicide. Yes, the name was J too. But there was no picture to say that it was him. Her heart started beating faster. She quickly switched on over to Instagram, her email, her WhatsApp, all of her accounts that were used to talk to him. Unblocking him everywhere.
And on her Instagram she found. His message. He had send her a link, yesterday. With fingers trembling, she clicked on the link. It lead her to a video of him. Heart beating faster. She's almost hyperventilating.
"Oh god no, please don't," she cried in her heart.
She took a deep breath. Tried to steady her shaking hands. Tried to convince herself that it wasn't him. That this video is a prank. Like how he used to tease her all the time. She took another deep breath. It's going to be okay. And clicked on play.
Just a few seconds in, just seeing his smile, just hearing his voice. She started crying. She had missed him so much. Why did she decided to block him off again? Over her insecurities and jealousy? Dumbass. Why was that so important? More important than the time with him?
And then it got to the main part. He started saying sorry. To everyone he knows, but not to her. He started saying goodbye. To everyone he knows, but not to her. No. He must be kidding. He's teasing me again.
She went back to Twitter, Google even. Searching for every bit of news about the suicide. Wanting to confirm that it's him, even though she had just watched his suicide note. She couldn't believe it.
No. God no. Please.
Why the fuck.
And then she finally found it. The complete news. It. Was. Him.
She broke down. A million thoughts going through her head. But one was the loudest.
The love of her life, gone.
Original idea: J.
